Friday, August 03, 2012

Love marriage or arranged marriage?

I have been asked this question several times and my answer often leaves the questioner disappointed. They cannot understand that there is a third option to this question and it is very much possible.

My marriage was a love marriage, an arranged marriage and maybe both. It started out when our respective parents embarked on their duties to find the perfect match for their wards. Since we do not have much say during the initial searches both of us stayed out of it. And then a mutual friend suggested "hey why don’t you guys look at each other?" Some bells must have rung or a light shone somewhere but suddenly after an Eureka moment both of us realized that the person whom we knew for a decade or so was an eligible life partner.

And every time I reach this point, the listener interjects “Ah! It was a love marriage”, but it was not, at least not back then. At that time it was just a very good option to give our parents and then all hell broke loose. On very flimsy grounds the prospective inlaws nearly became outlaws (exaggeration I know) and the arranged marriage was simply out of the picture.

A lot of arguments, tears, fights and more flimsy issues later the parents came around and decided to get us married and promptly fixed a date, the hall, the church etc. Listeners then again say “Okay it was an arranged marriage, your folks fixed it for you”. But that is where the real twist in the tale happened; we fell in love and decided that we were made for each other and made a commitment even before we finally said "I do".


The essentials for a recognized marriage are a groom, a bride, an official & two witnesses, all the others are superficial. And of these the success of the marriage depends entirely on the bride and the groom and the love they bring into the marriage. Love can start anytime, before during or after the marriage but it is love that will sustain the marriage till the end.

Marriage arranged or otherwise has to be built on love and without love there is no marriage.